Moments
by kotax
Summary: While on a mission feelings for each other are brought to light once again, and this time around ignoring them is proving to be difficult. AU. 1-2k word musings regarding the attachments that are made and the ones they're forced to forget.
1. before

_"Here's to all the places we went, and to all the places we'll go, and here's to me whispering again and again and again,_ I love you. _"_

* * *

They walk at a slow speed, allowing themselves to observe the surroundings with an open eyes. His hand is resting cautiously on the hilt of his lightsaber, hidden behind his robe; he's been told that she thinks he's being a tad paranoid, his bad feeling wasn't mutually shared between the two of them, but frankly, he had little care for her thoughts of his paranoia. One of the things higher on his agenda at the moment was to ensure her safety.

He observes her movements as she rests her hand on the pillar next to her as a brace for her to learn around and observe the other corridor. She sighs when she straightens her stance, now facing him once more. It could only mean one thing, that they weren't alone. When she brings her thumb to her mouth and chews on her nail, her brow furrowed, he notes that she's deep in thought. He can't hide the sheepish smile forming on his lips.

Moments later, she sports a slightly devious grin that could only mean one thing: She has a plan.

He's taken by surprise; and he has no time to question her regarding the plan because his hand is already tangled in hers and she takes a step closer, using her free hand to adjust his robe just a bit more slightly, he assumes to ensure his weapon is hidden out of sight. She takes hers off her own belt clip, slipping it next to his, it's an odd feeling, having all the weight on his side. Anyone around them would mistake them for a young couple, enjoying the company of one another. She takes the lead, marching straight into the crowds of people, right back to the room of their mark. As she does this, pulling his hand gently, he realizes that she may be the most brilliant person he knows, he himself would have never come up with such a clever ruse.

If he thought he was taken aback by her hand in hers, he's even more surprised with what happens next, but after spending so much time with Anakin, he is good at improvisation and living in the moment. He's no longer simply holding her hand, but his arm is placed gently on her lower back, holding her close to his side. It's only a moment before she turns, placing her back against the door.

A few people are walking down the halls, watching them curiously as she uses one hand to play with the loose fabric of his robe. He observes her, curiously, there's not a hint of hesitation in her eyes as she stands on her toes, and plants a soft, gentle kiss on his lips. Behind her back her hand is working to break the code and unlock the door, and he knows this, which is why he's not protesting this kiss. It's the perfect cover story, and it also feels so _right._

* * *

He watches them from a distance. The small child is running around in the sand, the two adults laughing as he chases the small ball that never seems to stop rolling. A tentative hand rests on his shoulder and he turns around to see the face of the woman behind him. After observing her for a moment, he brings his hand to her back, and with no words spoken, escorts her back to the ship on the horizon.

He didn't expect it to be this hard, to leave the child in their hands, even if he knows that they're more than capable to raise him.

Siri's been amazingly strong during this whole thing, that much is clear to him. She's stronger than he would have imagined possible. As they make the jump into hyperspace, he looks over at her silent figure, sitting comfortably in the chair next to him. She looks exhausted, her blonde hair is framing her face and her pale skin is tinted red from the rays of sun she was exposed to.

Her words are soft; almost inaudible, but perhaps, he thinks, that's how they were meant to be.

He simply nods in response, moving himself to put a comforting arm around her. Her head seems to fit perfectly on his shoulder. They sit in silence for what seems like hours, the comfort of having each other their calming all their nerves.

When she says that she misses him, he simply whispers "Me, too."

* * *

They get back to the temple, and they go on as if nothing had happened between them, despite the memories ringing fondly in his mind. He wonders if it's the same for her. He's been battling trying to get over their connection with each other since they were young Padawan Learners. Many times have they both wanted to give in, but they know that they've got duty. They've got to protect the republic, help those who cannot help themselves, and that would always be more important than their own desires. No matter what happened, being a Jedi had come first.

But it's slowly killing him inside. The connection that they had during their mission was nothing like either of them had ever felt before, he's certain. The gentle kiss that Siri planted on his lips made him not care about anything other than her, he wanted to take her in his arms and leave in that moment. Run away, never look back to the Jedi, the Republic. He didn't care about any of it. He cared about her and the love that they had for each other.

It's been a month since they've returned, the meditative leave that they were granted was up, and he finds himself in her small quarters. Both their apprentices are in some sort of lesson, he feels that now would be the best time to address it.

No words are spoken before it happens, before she repeats what happened just a mere month ago.

It's what happens when she pulls back that causes him to turn giddy like a school girl. It's the soft whisper of her voice, the one that has given him chills for years. It's not like he didn't know it, he has known for some time now. But to hear the words, to admit that they're committing a wrong, it made all the difference. Her gentle tone makes it seem like she doesn't care, and for once, he doesn't care either. He just wants to be hers, to protect her, and feel her comforting embrace. Tomorrow they'll worry about being Jedi. Tomorrow, everything shouldgo back to normal. However, today they're going to just be Siri and Obi-Wan. Not Jedi Masters, but humans. Today, they're going to break the rules and be genuinely happy. And tomorrow he'll suffer the consequences no matter what they may be because he knows exactly how he feels and what he wants, and this is it. It feels right, almost as if it what the force wanted.

Her smile alone brings another rush of joy over him, and he leans in and kisses her brow, repeating the words that she spoke only moments ago.

 _"I love you.."_

* * *

 **Hello, mates. I promise, this will be the only lengthy authors note. Maybe. I'm not sure yet. This story was started three years ago and titled "Falling for You" under the username "Stella Brillare", unfortunately, I can't for the life of me recall the password to that account or even the email used to create it. However, I have had the strongest desire to continue writing this despite the lengthy days between now and my last update. Please note that this is an AU story, and the characters may seem slightly outside of their norm. A lot of who the characters were depends greatly on the events that built them, so their characterization will alter slightly depending on those events. Once again, this is me playing in the Star Wars playground. I'm not a professional author, nor do I profit from this writing, I am merely a fan who enjoys writing from time to time. With that in mind, I haven't studied grammar since like, high school. And even then it was to barely pass my classes. I apologize for any mistakes, grammatically, you might find. Personally, I'm more of a words I am reading more than if that should have been a comma or a period, ect. If you find mistakes and would like to correct me, I won't be offended. :)**

 **Anyway, since the prolouge has been completed, and edited from the sad version it was three years ago, I hope you enjoy** _Moments._


	2. remember what we came to forget

His fingers are laced together behind his back, legs shoulder width apart, comfortable enough to stand long enough for a briefing. He notices out of the corner of his eye that her stance matches his, and like himself, she's listening with an open mind about their new assignment; the one they're receiving together. They're being sent to an outer rim planet, Bavva, in order to help retrieve a young boy who has been kidnapped. They are given little time to prepare, to research the planet, as rescue missions, specifically those with younglings involved, are to be acted upon immediately.

Master Yoda states that the mission could prove to be dangerous, too dangerous for their padawans to join them on. It was a strange request, he notes, as these kinds of missions are often times optimal for expanding the apprentices' learnings. But he chose not to question it, and neither did she. They share light jokes about whose padawan will take the news of being left behind better before parting ways and agreeing to meet in the hanger in only a few short hours.

She's pulled herself atop one of the crates, her feet dangling off the edge and hands are resting on either side of her as she leans forward slightly. He notices her golden locks hanging in a messily tied braid just over shoulder. He's a few minutes late, thanks to his apprentice trying to convince him that he'd be most useful on the mission (he seemed to ignore the fact that it was council's orders, much like he always did.) She is noticeably deep in conversation with a pilot when he approaches her. She cocks her head slightly to the left, her gaze dead in the center of the entry where he stands. Pushing herself off of her perch with both of her hands, she sticks a landing flat on her feet and walks towards her new partner.

"Well, nice of you to show up." Her tone is dripping with humor, and a friendly smile plays on her lips while she speaks.

"Not all of us can have padawan's who are as understanding as yours, Master Tachi." As he speaks, they begin making their way into the ship, and she simply shakes her head, mumbling words about "always having an excuse". He helps with the last minute preparation for take-off, and as soon as they are en route, he begins his research on the assignment placed before them.

It has been several hours since they arrived in hyperspace, they'll be approaching Bavva within the next three hours. Siri had excused herself for meditation an hour ago. He finds his eyes heavy due to the lack of sleep he's gotten these past two days. His mind, however, is swimming with thoughts. The words his padawan told him with a light tone as they parted hours earlier are echoing in his mind, rattling his brain in so many different directions.

 _ _"Remember what is said about attachments, Master."__

Attachment. That's not what he and Siri have, not now, it couldn't be.

Sure, perhaps it used to be. Perhaps it could have been that way if they hadn't been logical, but they were logical and they knew what must have been done.

And then the soft, stern, voice of a young Siri Tachi pours into his mind at the thought of what happened and what could have been.

 _ _We have to forget.__

And once again, his memories are pushed away as if those short days never happened. As if they never went to Quadrant Seven, if they never escaped in Magus' ship and they were never almost blown into a million pieces to be lost into space. As if they never shared those gentle kisses months ago. The joy he felt in her presence, the love he had for her. It simply cannot exist.

Once his mind is black, he pulls the datapad off the controls where it has rested. They've got a mission, and they always complete their missions, that must come first.

That's not going to change now.

The beating of her heart seems to be at an extreme rate. The last mission she and Obi-Wan were on together seemed like a dream, as did the days that followed. She has tried, countless times, to push the thoughts out of her mind, so much so that she simply pretends those days did not exist. If asked, she was say that the last mission she went on with Master Kenobi was before her exile into the undercover mission she accepted so long ago. If asked, she was eager to catch up on what had happened since then, eager to rekindle the friendship that they had as padawan learners.

After a considerable amount of time researching the planet and the mission, she dismisses herself to a cabin. She hasn't gotten much rest lately and desires to meditate. With everything on her mind lately sleep has been difficult to come by.

Once she's stowed away and stripped of her jedi attire, she pulls her knees up to her chest as she ponders the past, despite the fact that she has promised herself and Obi-Wan that they were to forget. Forgetting is always easier said than done.

 _ _No__ matter _ _what happens... I'll remember this.__

What promise she was supposed to keep? The first one that she made in what she believed to be a dying moment, a moment filled with two young souls so lost, yet so in love; or was the one made more recently to be kept; the one of two people who were being torn apart, the broken feelings like shattered glass plunging into the depths of the souls that once pledged themselves to the other?

She wants to forget, truly, she wants to be able to move on because they made their decision. Both admitted to their absolute love of being Jedi, it was their duty. Careful consideration lead them to the conclusion that they have to be able to ignore the feelings bubbling between them, for if they didn't, if they left the order to pursue the burning sensation of love, eventually resentment would set in. What were they if not Jedi Knights?

So she unbraids her hair, closes her eyes, and she tries to forget. It's simple: Push the memories back down and let them disappear into the back of her mind, where they should remain uninterrupted. And with eyes shut tightly, her head resting atop the pillow that seems to be harder than the floor of her ship, she forces herself to count until she drifts off into a dreamless sleep.


End file.
